Time and Memories

Magic memories

Remembered forever

Longingly looked after

Watched for truth

Lies avoided

Sidestepped reality

Fictional characters

People surprise

Birthing new hope

Youth springs from something

Nothing matters more

Less is often enough

Satisfaction in fleeting

Running faster than time

Clocks set backwards

Forwards and upwards

Upon the mantel sit memories

Always more to be made

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Covering Lonely

Bitter as coffee

Sweet as honey

Hope burns like cheap vodka

Fear hugs like an anaconda

Stage fright grips like a worried mother’s hand

Similies fly like fighting words

Lonliness settles like ash after a fire

To be alone is the new normal

Normal like the expected

Expected to be alone

To be alone is replaced with lonely

Replaces as quick as a flash

To be lonely like a polar bear in a coca-cola commercial

To combat these feelings I fill my world with laughing faces that only ever see skin deep

Polite words and fake okay’s accompany toothy white smiles.

To be present is all I can manage

A few more smiles may crack my made up face

Coated in okays and doing goods covering scars and bumps of lonely.

 

 

Again

Alone again.

All alone again.

Waiting for things to begin again.

Waiting for my being to be again.

Hoping you’ll change back again.

To be my friend again.

My confidante again.

Waiting again.

Waiting for change again.

Change in you or me again.

Something has to change again.

Again I wait for you.

Again I long for you.

Again I hope for you.

Again I wish for you,

To change,

To console,

To love me again.

 

Seeking Approval

People rushing all around

Russians all around

I am but a speck of diversity in this atmosphere

Seeking a foreign place to call home

Waiting for approval

From governemnts and people

Waiting on another year to live with my husband, whom I call home

Waiting for approval on where I can lay my head

Hoping for the approval abd the security of another year together

Decisions made by government officials

In offices I will never see

With lives I will never know

Hoping they see validity in my life

In my home away from home

Help me.

Hear my voice

My voice is but a whisper

A whipser of worries

Worried about everything and nothing

Nothing can stop this train of thought

Thoguhts attack me everywhere I turn

I turn away and run

Run from problems only I can see

I can see them so clearly

Clearly I need glasses

Glasses would help show me the ocean right in front of me

In front of me there is only my shadow and getting out of bed

Getting out of bed feels like climbing a mountain

I climb this mountain almost every day

Every day I am coping with rhis reality

Reality is I’m sad

Sad is a feeling that sometimes comes without a good reason

Reason seems to have run away with hope

Hope spring eternal somewhere else

Somewhere else there is someone or something that can help me

Help me!

Help me!

I can only whisper help me.

Whispering  has become my new normal

Normally I would feel ashamed

Shame follows me like a shadow

Shadows dance around the edges

Edging out reality

 

As Messy as My Hair

The voices are gone

Friend or Foe, I don’t know.

I brace for another attack.

I’m like a warzone

With hazy battle lines.

I wish I would of known

It takes some time for redesigns.

Making my brain as messy as my hair

Tangled in thought.

Hoping to be more than this drought.

Fueled by hazy memories

I try and find a route

To bring all of me home