Poem prompts pretending to sound deep
People writing pretending to be okay
I am not okay
Although today it feels like I am.
Only when I feel okay, I realize that okay is a lie.
Because this is the first day in weeks where I haven’t seriously considered dying instead of facing the sunset.
I am not okay
And it is only when I’m okay that I can see it
That’s the problem
When things aren’t okay
I convince myself they are for fear of what will happen if I tell the truth
The truth is scary
The truth is not meant for polite conversation
When they ask how you are they don’t want to hear barely hanging on
To a rope, I tied around my neck and I need help.
Illness comes in many forms
This illness is difficult to see
There is no Band-Aid
No wounds except for self-inflicted ones, which don’t seem to count for much
I guess I’m going crazy but I wish crazy had sticker
That would let people know
Because it’s hard to keep it together when you’re going crazy
Trying to convince others I’m not crazy only as diagnosis come
What is crazy?
If its sleepless nights
And energy filled rants during the day
And if its won’t stop shaking because I just need to move
And won’t get out of bed because the world is too big today
Can’t be bothered to make a meal because maybe it will be my last and that’s too much pressure for a meal
I guess I’m crazy
But they have some cool drugs now
And I’m finally able to sleep
And I’ve slowed down the ranting
And I’m getting out of bed most days.
I am getting saner.
But it is still hard.
I will take today as a victory because I think I’m okay.
And okay is enough for today.