Okay is Enough

Poem prompts pretending to sound deep

People writing pretending to be okay

I am not okay

Although today it feels like I am.

Only when I feel okay, I realize that okay is a lie.

Because this is the first day in weeks where I haven’t seriously considered dying instead of facing the sunset.

I am not okay

And it is only when I’m okay that I can see it

That’s the problem

When things aren’t okay

I convince myself they are for fear of what will happen if I tell the truth

The truth is scary

The truth is not meant for polite conversation

When they ask how you are they don’t want to hear barely hanging on

To a rope, I tied around my neck and I need help.

Illness comes in many forms

This illness is difficult to see

There is no Band-Aid

No wounds except for self-inflicted ones, which don’t seem to count for much

Except crazy.

I guess I’m going crazy but I wish crazy had sticker

That would let people know

Because it’s hard to keep it together when you’re going crazy

Trying to convince others I’m not crazy only as diagnosis come

What is crazy?

If its sleepless nights

And energy filled rants during the day

And if its won’t stop shaking because I just need to move

And won’t get out of bed because the world is too big today

Can’t be bothered to make a meal because maybe it will be my last and that’s too much pressure for a meal

I guess I’m crazy

But they have some cool drugs now

And I’m finally able to sleep

And I’ve slowed down the ranting

And I’m getting out of bed most days.

I am getting saner.

But it is still hard.

I will take today as a victory because I think I’m okay.

And okay is enough for today.


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