Heavy Crowns

Sage walls meant to be white all around me.

Nothing to do but listen to my thoughts

My thoughts that got me in this whitewashed room full of rules and medications

Drug me till I sit still

Drug me till I stop crying

Drug me till I sleep

They succeeded

I can sit still, but my poems are weak and only getting weaker

I’ve stopped crying, pushing it all back in again.

I sleep but my dreams have been stolen from me.

I’m a success story in the making.

They drugged me into it.

Makes me feel like I cheated my way here

Cheated into being healthy non-suicidal

Mood swing checkers not necessary

They drugged me into health

And now I’m a queen with a crown covered in pills prescriptions and scales.

I do not deserve this honor I must bow out

Everything must spill over.

But then im back at the beginning without

Sleep and the will to keep on living

I deserved my crown of sad eyes outlined in black circles I did it all on my own.

I guess I’ve traded one crown for another and the one I earned is heavier and my neck feels like it might break so I guess

I’ll give my neck a break instead of breaking it

Taking a crown that will help hold my head up high even if they drugged me into it.

 

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