Where the Safety Lies

My head is full of lies.
The truth seems to have fled.
I’m left alone in a dark room, that is only mine.
No one can hear the screaming locked up tight.
No one can see the colors and lights
That have been washed away by waves of self hatred
With bucketfuls of anxiety.
I can’t paint it
I can’t write it.
God must know that I have tried.
Its like a horror show only meant for me.
I wish someone would have told him, I scare easily.
I’m forced to watch my self tortured
In the space right behind my eyes,
No one else can see.
On the outside I’m the perfect image of health.
I am gracious
I am happy.
I can paint it
I can write it.
Everyone is safe,
Except me.

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